Hello to the Parents Out There!
There are no handbooks on how to be a parent. There are guides on how to parent, which are useful. The only thing is that you and your child are unique and it is about what finding works best. At the end of the day, there are tools and tips that are certain to be useful in any family.
First handy tool to remember. It’s not our kid’s fault. It may feel like it is is our children’s fault, but when it comes right down to it, they reflect what is happening with us. If they aren’t doing what we want them to, and we feel angry about it, our anger is our responsibility and they are not responsible to make us feel better. I highly recommend the book “The Awakened Family”. This dynamic is reviewed in full detail in the book.
If our child/children are angry every time we ask them to do something, I would recommend asking yourself the story in your history behind asking your child to do something. Do you expect your child shouldn’t say anything when you ask them to do something? Do you let them make their own decisions? How were you raised? Were you given opportunity to voice your thoughts and feelings when you were a child? Were you encouraged to follow boundaries? Answers to these questions will help you to identify the story and reasons for certain expectations you have of your child. Just because you were told to do something or raised in a certain way doesn’t mean it was the best. Be open to delving into your past to see what is there.
Boundaries are absolutes. They are firm but can change. They are what we feel okay with and what we don’t. We provide natural, logical consequences. If you want your child to brush his/her teeth, they need to know what could happen if they do not and the consequences of that. If they like you to brush their teeth and they are refusing to do so, then you can say that they need to brush their teeth and if they don’t, you will not do it for them. Brushing teeth is a necessity due to health. What other boundaries are important? Getting enough sleep, safety, emotional expression, nutriance exposure, and play time.
You can comment below on what boundaries you have. Do you think it needs to be a boundary? Is it important to have your child make his/her bed? Do you make your bed? Do you like making your bed? All these questions regarding what you want are important to evaluate and investigate. How important is it? How much time are you expectations based on your past, present or fears taking up from enjoying your child?
Wishing you and your family joy, laughs, moments of fun and being true to yourselves!